The Beach

My family, or rather my dad's entire immediate family, takes an annual beach trip. If everyone was here at once it would be 42 people, give or take a boyfriend or stepchild. 

This is my first beach trip with the fam in 8 years. I'm the only "adult" in the family that hasn't been married or doesn't have kids. Therefore, I'm the 30 year old at the kid's table. 

Everyone asks if I've put on my sunscreen or if I've had enough water or if there is anyone else going to the beach with me. It's tiring. 

But it has been great fun to play with some of the younger cousins as well as explain that I don't actually have a job to all of my concerned aunts and uncles. 

Here are some photos!

Almost famous

Two summers ago I was in a worse spot than I am now... I had a client stiff me over $5,000. I was in a bind. 

Luckily a neighborhood store was hiring! So, I found myself working an hourly job to make ends meet while I sorted through all of the trials of consulting. 

The store is called Hill's Kitchen, and it has been one of the best things about living on Capitol Hill. The store owner has employed me off and on over the past two years, and I have loved every minute of it!

Aside from being extremely grateful for the work, I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know the neighborhood and my neighbors better!

Last week Leah, the shop owner, emailed me to let me know that the store was going to be featured in an American Express commercial for their small business Saturday promotion! And I got to be in the commercial!

Here are some photos from filming!!

It was such a great experience, and I'm thrilled for the store to get so much national exposure! If you're ever in DC be sure to head to Eastern Market and stop by to tell Leah hi!

Getting Things in Order

This must start with cleaning my room.

I'm going to publicly shame myself with a few before photos... and force myself to get this little corner of my world back in line. Hopefully a clean room will help clear my head and prepare me for whatever is next.

So, what's next

I feel like the question "what's next?" is a common one for me the past few years. I think consistency and stability are around the corner, then what seemed to be so certain becomes very uncertain.

It's also these times of uncertainty that I begin to question why or how or what talents and skills of mine have gone unused. I see people like Jimmy Fallon and remember the time that I was funny and a performer. Then I see bloggers that are famous for seemingly no reason, and I think to myself "surely my life and stories are just as entertaining."

This all leads to lots of doubt about the choices I've made in career. And then ultimately, I doubt if I will ever reach my full potential. I know I'm capable of being a CEO or a Chancellor or something else on that level... but how do I get there if I am constantly crippling myself with doubt?

It's truly unbelievable how "in my head" I can get over these things. But for better or for worse, I'm in... and left wondering "what's next?"

A life in disarray

I'm thirty now. Very recently thirty.

Along with thirty, I have a huge amount of unknown in my life. And one common thread when I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I make very poor decisions. Things that, looking back on, I would never do in my life ever if I was thinking strait.

I had one of those moments this week. The poor decision is, in fact, so poor that I would rather not share in detail. I have told only one person the details of the event and that person has been warned within an inch of their life to never repeat any of it ever. ever. ever. Also worth noting, this friend and I will be taking a multitude of things to the grave with one another... So, if you ever want to bribe me. Find out who my numero uno trusted individual is and break that person. Ha.

This makes me reflect back to a book I once read called "Perfecting Ourselves to Death." In this book there is a theory that people who are true perfectionists often have lives in disarray. This happens because when you know you can't do something perfectly, you don't do it all. One of the practical examples they gave of this is having a dirty room. You know your room can never be perfectly clean or kept up, so you don't even bother to have it clean to begin with.

For the record, my room AND car are a complete wreck right now.

Honesty

There are two types of honesty... brutal and necessary. They aren't mutually exclusive.

Right now, I could share a good bit of both. I'm currently at a crossroads in life. In the areas of dating and job searching I find myself with the same emotions. Mostly confused. Some shock. And over-all frustration.

And I'm being emotionally toyed with the same way by both the gentleman and the potential employer. To be fair, the gentleman and I have broken up; and he owes me nothing. Here is a run down of the work situation... then we will compare and contrast with the dating life.

Last Thursday I was offered a job. I was given a verbal offer with a salary, a start date, a plan to move forward. This past Tuesday, that was undone. The potential employer has some reservations. He wants to step back and slow the process down. Mind you, I made plans based on the lead he gave me.

These plans included renting a van to drive home and gather my belongings that I would need to start the job. It also included preparing to move out of my current house. I had been offered another job which I turned down. You get the picture.

And I made all of these plans because I was given very clear reason to do so. Now that all of this has gone from certain to uncertain... I feel slightly trapped and a little lost.

On to the comparisons with the gentleman. We broke up on good terms. Like extremely good terms. Like still uncertain why we aren't still dating terms. You get the picture. Good (?) break up.

We have seen each other twice since the breakup, and we have spoken on the phone quite a few times. This week I initiated all contact. I get that. He is always responsive, though.

But today something odd happened. He unfollowed me on instagram. I realize as I type this out how silly it sounds, but just listen. This is the second time he has done that. And both times this action has come after I have posted a photo with another guy. Now do you see my confusion and frustration?

Are you doing this because you don't like seeing me with other guys, or are you trying to distance yourself? You must realize that I can see all this, right?

Similar to the job situation, there are messages being conveyed that I'm taking action based on... then there is back peddling.

This makes me think a couple of different things, but mostly that I don't know how to be his friend. That's a sad thing, but maybe a necessary thing. I don't want to do anything in haste, but I do want to care for myself; and that could mean a conversation with him that really lays out how or why we shouldn't try at the friend thing.

Honesty. You typically have to start with being honest with yourself, and that's where I am... and now it's time to be honest with others around me.